Tuesday, February 14, 2017

February Fun Facts


February is the shortest month of the year. Of course you did. You'd have to be a blithering idiot to date a check 2/30. That is, unless you were going to the dentist. Wait for it...

February is also the month when my first show of the year will be produced, a one night stand of DEAD TUESDAY (the play formerly known as THE PERILS OF FRANCOIS). Sugar High Theatricals of Galesburg, Illinois is staging this fairy tale murder mystery o' mine on the appropriate date...Feb. 28 which this year is Fat Tuesday, cher! Perfect for a Mardi Gras themed show such as this. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

The Welsh call February "y mis bach" which means "little month". Except no one can pronounce it. Except Tom Jones.

The best new show on TV currently is TABOO on FX starring my current favorite actor Tom Hardy. There is not a single false note in this brilliant show set in 19th century England, dark and dank as anything I've ever seen. Runners-up are Netflix's THE CROWN (Peter Morgan is a god) and STRANGER THINGS, the best Stephen King story not written by Stephen King. The latter includes my new favorite actress, Millie Bobby Brown, quite the recommendation since I generally never like child performers and she is positively extraordinary to the point that she may even be extra-terrestrial. On the other end of the spectrum, Netflix's SANTA CLARITA DIET is a stink bomb. Timothy Olyphant needs to be sedated and Drew Barrymore is putrid in this unfunny, unfocused sit-com that is getting raves from a very indiscriminate audience.

It is the third month of winter. In the Southern Hemisphere February is a summer month the equivalent of August. After this winter, the Southern hemisphere can kiss my frozen ass. (Sorry. The cold weather has made me cranky.)

My birthday movie this year was the much-lauded LA LA LAND, a wonderful choice if I do blog so myself. It's not perfect by any means, but there are moments that touch pure magic, such as the last ten minutes, that justify any kudos this has garnered thus far. It will indeed win a flock o' Oscars, much like its closest comparison, THE ARTIST, from a few years ago. But if I were to be perfectly honest, I would say that the similarly themed L.A. STORY, written and starring Steve Martin, is the better film. Regardless of that sleight, my movie-going experience was top notch especially when I decided to attend a single screen cinema in Portland instead of a dreaded multi-plex, a major reason my attendance has been so apathetic in the last few years. So dadgum it, I treated myself and will do so again. Nyah.                          
The largest American sporting event the Super Bowl, is held in February. Did I watch it? No, I totally boycotted the Super Bowl this year. Of course, I never watch it to begin with, so it's not that much of a stand. I did watch the half-time show on the YouTube and thought Lady Gaga crushed it. If you didn't like Gaga's performance or want to comment on her supposed belly fat, you can crowd in front of the Southern hemisphere and pucker up, you slimy trolls.

The Saxon term for the month, Sol-monath, means "cake month". This is because they offered cakes to the gods during this month.

So as the world continues to circle the drain, enjoy a piece of cake, Saxon-style. No, not in a Marie Antoinette way. Treat yourself. You need it. Maybe have some pie instead. Pie is good.
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