Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Holy Crap, Batman!


My goodness gracious. Aren't we in a collectively pissy mood lately? It seems we're absolutely outraged over just about everything these days, whether they're world events or the slightest trivial infraction exploding into a controversy of catastrophic proportions. It's not like we don't enough to complain about-Syria, another in series of impending government shutdown, mass shootings, the weather, this, that, the other thing... But gee whiz, folks, does Miley Cyrus really deserve this much notice? It's Miley Cyrus, for chrissakes! Where the hell are your priorities? I don't want to know who really gives two turds in Turlock whether she's twerking or tonguing or whatever she was doing on the MTV VMAs. It doesn't matter. It's Miley Cyrus not Mother Teresa. And since when is anyone caring about the VMAs again?

Among the other stuff and nonsense as of late:

BEN AFFLECK IS THE NEW BATMAN

Never mind the obvious joke about Matt Damon as Robin (it's already been done in BEHIND THE CANDELABRA), this news about Affleck playing The Caped Crusader in BATMAN vs SUPERMAN has caused a shitstorm that made Hurricane sandy look like a light breeze. First of all, Warner Brothers should have cast an unknown. Henry Cavill is still Superman, a carryover from THE MAN OF STEEL and he's not exactly a household name. Second, it's called BATMAN vs SUPERMAN. Can it be any more obvious that it's going to stink up the cineplex? DC has been losing to Marvel on the film adaptation front. THE DARK KNIGHT series gave a boost and THE MAN OF STEEL performed better than expected. They just couldn't wait to junk it up with an AVENGERS-like wannabe. FRANKENSTEIN vs THE WOLF MAN, KING KONG vs GODZILLA, FREDDY vs JASON, ALIEN vs PREDATOR. This is what you do when you're trying to squeeze your last nickel, not when you're mving forward, nitwits. Third, the question of Ben. Well, he's taller than Christian Bale, so there's that. But why hasn't anyone questioned what this stupid all-around idea will do the career he's been trying to establish since GIGLI? His film ARGO won Best Picture last year and now he wants to play superhero again. DAREDEVIL wasn't humiliating enough for him. This is a step down for all involved. It's not a crime against nature that's Affleck is the new Batman when there are worse ramifications here, not the least of which is another craptastic superhero movie for the summer cesspool season.

COREY MONTEITH EMMY MEMORIAL

It's no secret that I hate the Emmy broadcast, but it's an awards show, so what can one really expect a show business circle-jerk that the public gets the privilege to witness. This year, the BIG scandal involved this Corey Monteith kid, a supporting actor on GLEE who ODed this last summer, getting a special memorial on the show, separate from the normal Death Parade. Others that got the same special treatment were James Gandolfini, Jean Stapleton, Gary David Goldberg and Jonathan Winters. Viewers, mostly older, were incensed that Monteith got an honored spot rather than Jack Klugman, Larry Hagman or even Julie Harris. The truth is none of the five should have had this tribute. Why were these dead people better than the other dead people? Gary David Goldberg had a couple of hit shows with Michael J. Fox. Jonathan Winters, one of the funniest man ever, guested on a a lot shows and joined the cast of MORK AND MINDY in its final year. Big contributions to TV? Not as much as Hagman. Due to the popularity of his JR Ewing, DALLAS wasn't just one of the most popular shows of all time in America, but the world. Its ratings were more than all of these shows put together. So the special memorials were really unnecssary unless you included them all, making it a five hour show. All or nothing. The inclusion of Monteith was supposedly a nod to younger viewers. Yeah, way to bring in the kids. Just say no, chillun. Maybe Nancy Reagan should have given the eulogy instead of Jane Lynch. It's a subject not worth the bluster. Let the kid have his only day in the sun. The rest have legacies. What I considered worse was Carrie Underwood singing "YESTERDAY", though I did get a good chuckle when she admitted she's "not  half the man she used to be".

 FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY CASTING SONS OF ANARCHY'S CHARLIE HUNNAM

A book I'm never going to read adapted into a movie I'll never see. As my sister used to say to piss off my grammarian mother, "It don't make me no never mind."

Trivial bullshit? We're soaking in it. Yet the apoplexy on the web and beyond has reached tsunami levels. It's a whirlpool that is just going to drag us further down the drain and flushed out to the sea of despair which is not a round trip back to any semblance of normalcy.

As for me, I try to focus on what really matters in life, the important things that are important to enrich one quality of being in this. For example:

Why did I waste 12 full hours of valuable time watching UNDER THE DOME? Hah! UNDER THE DUMB is more like it. (Snap goes the dragon!) Thanks for nothing, Stephen King. Your story played better in THE SIMPSONS MOVIE. It also had an ending. Boy, one cow chopped in half and I got sucked in for the whole summer. Well, Moo-Moo was cut length-wise...

See? The IMPORTANT things.
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