Sunday, April 24, 2011

Lame is the Name of the Game

Easter's come and gone for another year and I can't believe I didn't log at least a few minutes watching the annual TV showing of THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. How am I going to be able to get by without hearing Anne Baxter as Nefertiti decry, "Moses...Moses...Moses!"

You can call this blog a sequel to last October's NAMES IS FOR TOMBSTONES, BABY where I discussed current trends in baby names that lameass parents are burdening their off-spring with in the 21st century. I know of two kids on the way (one of whom I will be the proudest of all proud grandpas) that are oh so ironically due on the very same day (Do I hear an "Oy vey"?) I do not know the names of said future Earthlings, two carefully kept secrets until The Big reveal when they hit the tarmac in June. Howver, as a precaution,I have a new list of names that I have gathered in my travels the parents should NOT use to torture their children -or the rest of the world- with, not a major concern since cooler heads will prevail.

The same can't be said for the nimrods who conjured up these horror stories. These names were posted on the front door of a waterbirth center here in the Portland area, announcing their blessed events. Appparently, they have been prominently displayed for the benefit of proud parents, eager to show the world the fruit of their loins. Maybe these kids will have been better off back in their parents' Fruit of the Looms when they find out what their nincompoop mommies and daddies have labeled them
Literally, here goes nothing-BAD BABY NAMES Class of 2011:
Wrenik Josiah
Mattias Thane
Frenya Grace
Ura Ursi
Sage Otter
Drezzden Uriah
Kosmos Finnian
Vesper Donifa
Ptolemy Xavie

Dear God almighty. These don't even pass for DUNGEONS & DRAGONS characters.
It's bad enough these people have been allowed to procreate. Why do they have to saddle their kids with these potential ass-beaters moinkers just to satisfy their own vanity? One way to curb bullying on the schoolyard? How about giving a kid a chance from the git-go? Please stop the madness.

And please to be checking out my new website, WRITTEN BY SCOTT CHERNEY. You'll be glad you did.

Especially you, Kosmos Finnian, you poor little sap. By the way, your therapy's been pre-booked.
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