Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Juno, Alaska

"Sarah, Sarah, storms are brewin' in your eyes

Sarah, Sarah, no time is a good time for goodbyes"

Yeah, I know the old Starship song is SARA, not SARAH, but come on, the picture on the left is definitely the apple of Mickey Thomas' eye. And the one on the right? The twinkle in every good Republican's. Oh, that Johnny McCain! He sure picked a peach, didn't he? Everyone is saying how she resembles Tina Fey. Not me. I see a little Julia Louis-Dreyfuss...or a younger, hotter Sharon Osbourne.

In the words of the late great Jerry Reed:

"When you're hot, you're hot!

When you're not, you're not!"

And as for her knocked-up unwed underage daughter? Well, let's put it this way, shall we? Her baby's daddy is named Levi. (Who'd you expect...Michael Cera?)


Who cares about the issues? Let's just cut to the chase...who would you like to have a beer with? Who's purtier? What are they wearin'...boxers or briefs...or, best of all, which candidate is all thonged up? Yee-ha! It's all a distraction. Look over here! It's a shiny object! No, it's Sarah Palin!

"On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate John McCain's running mate?"

Hyuk! Hyuk! We're living in a world of mooks.

In this day and age, there's no time for substance. We have no patience for it. Let's just make a snap judgement so we can go back to texting our friends and geeking about the new 90210 or THE DARK KNIGHT. We have the attention spans of gnats.

Mark my words, we're going to see a continuation of the Hillary/Obama feud with Palin. Sexism vs racism. Don't say anything bad about either one of them for fear being called out for your embedded prejudices. Don't say McCain's too old or you'll be branded an ageist? As for Biden, you'll dragged through the mud by the folliclely challenged. (Donald Trump laughs at Joe's hair)

I guess the other thing that fries my chimichanga is that all this is further legitimizing the National Enquirer and TMZ. These people are not journalists. They are proctologists. Those that believe otherwise, well, you're assholes.

All I want to know is..


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