Saturday, May 26, 2007

So Long,Springtime

As springtime rolls to a close on this Memorial Day weekend, here are some thoughts that are random.

Conspiracy Theory of the Week
Rosie O’Donnell is being paid by the far right to discredit the left. Honestly, is someone this wretchedly obnoxious on purpose? Now that she’s no longer on The View, maybe if Michael Moore shaved and wore a wig, nobody would notice the difference. But then again, there's that voice... If he can imitate the sound of a flamingo being tossed into a wood chipper, he'll have it made.

Paris Hilton is going to jail for approximately three weeks at last count. Maybe her fellow inmates will stage a break and insist she play along. Then when they’re eventually caught down the line, Paris will be forced to do hard time. It’s fun to dream, isn’t it?

At what point did “No problem” replace “You’re welcome” in our vernacular? I’ve found this occur particularly in the service industry. Let’s say I ask a wait person for a glass of water and when they do, I thank that person. How is it proper for the response to be “No problem”? This implies there somehow might have been a problem to begin with. It’s your job, mallethead. Does this bother anyone else but me? It does? You’re welcome.

Grindhouse turned out to be as big of a blast as I expected. I had the best time watching this ode to my drive-in theater days. Though the box-office was mediocre, it has the potential to live a second life as a party DVD. The full impact of the experience is of course in the cinema since some of the intentional gags such as the “missing” reels and the “scratches” on the prints are alien to home viewers. Quentin Tarantino has added additional footage to his segment Death Proof for the Cannes Film Festival and a possible second try solo run in theaters. Hopefully, he’s improved his film since his work was the weakest of the double bill with Rober Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. Quentin actually strayed from the original concept and wrote a vapid, empty and ultimately boring set-up to a grand finale which, fortunately, kicked royal ass. Kurt Russell deserved better, giving his best performance in years and obviously having the time of his life. And the new love of my life is stunt actress Zoe Bell. Try to catch Grindhouse in its original condition. if oyu’re as bent as I am, a better time in the movie theater you will not have. If you’re really lucky, one the few drive-ins left in the country will pick it up. Fill up the ice cooler with some tasty beverages and enjoy the ride.

In honor of his 100th birthday, I offer my favorite John Wayne moment:
In The Sons of Katie Elder, bad guy George Kennedy is sadistically dunking blacksmith John Doucette’s head in the water trough. The Duke sneaks up behind him and yells, “Hey!” Kennedy turns as the Duke backswings an axehandle right across the puss, dropping George like a bag of dirt.
Ten seconds of film that will live forever in the cinema of my mind’s eye.

Happy Birthday, Marion!
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