Saturday, November 18, 2006

Over the River and Through the Woods


                                                                          
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all, from one turkey to another.

Seems I tweaked somebody's feathers with my last outing talking about the lack of balls in the political arena. Check out what Anonymous wrote in the comment section:

"Hmmmm. Balls. Well, that leaves out the majority of the population, but that may be your tired point. Please, leave Gore and Kerry alone. They've already endured enough abuse from those who choose to dwell on the trees rather than the forest. "

"Hmmmmm. Balls." Sounds like a gay Homer Simpson. Look, Ms. Onymous or can I call you An, to make another tired point, balls is (are) a state of mind. Sorry to make it so gender specific and I'm just not sympathetic to the plight of the castrated. If I were more PC, I'd have said "guts" instead. As for leaving Gore and Kerry alone, that ain't gonna happen until GW Dunderhead is out of office and we as a nation to begin to heal for the eight miserable years Al and Johnny Boy inflicted upon us by not kicking his sorry ass and allowing him not only to be elected not once but TWICE.

But this is Thanksgiving and thanks for writing.

Speaking of castrations, whack-job Tom Cruise is getting married this weekend and the world yawns. I don’t give a tinker’s dam about the TomKat nuptials this weekend. It’s doubtful that this will do nothing to gain Tommy any goodwill after his rave-outs last year. As to the speculation of the nature of this elaborate publicity stunt, folks have been a’wondering “Where’s the movie to promote?” Aha! Me gots an answer. TC just bought United Artists. He needs to stay in the public eye since he has nothing in the can for the next year. However, Cruisey is set to star in a movie with Robert Redford and Meryl Streep. Smart move. After all, he built much of his reputation on the coattails of other actors-Paul Newman in THE COLOR OF MONEY, A FEW GOOD MEN with Jack Nicholson, RAIN MAN with Dustin Hoffman-it’s time to rebuild and the best way for him to gain any footing is to latch onto another star. I think he’ll do it. He may not make to the stratosphere like before, but he will survive and for that, he can be thankful.

I am personally thankful that I live in the same world as Martin Scorsese. THE DEPARTED is the best goddamn movie of the year-bar none. Not only is this the finest crime drama of the 21st Century (C’mon! It’s six years into it. I can make that claim) but also an ensemble piece unmatched by any others in recent years. While it’s a tad flabby, perhaps ten minutes too long, I’d stack this baby up against anything and a definite improvement over the source material, the Chinese film INFERNAL AFFAIRS.

I also give thanks to NIP/TUCK for recharging its batteries this season and giving me an hour of pleasure per week, every Tuesday night. It’s a great double bill with HOUSE.

What’s that sound? Why it’s a gong…no, it’s the death knell for network television ringing off the hook. In their wisdom, NBC has announced a cutback on original dramatic programming, opting instead for more game shows and reality shows for the 8:00 hour in the near-future. These are the same geniuses who placed two-count ‘em-two separate shows about a late night comedy show on the same schedule and thinking that nobody would notice. Well, they haven’t. Neither 30 ROCK or STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP can get any ratings. Combined, they barely make as much as DEAL OR NO DEAL. I guess that’s their tired point, right, Annie? Maybe NBC should try a cross-over. Alec Baldwin could visit Studio 60 or Matthew Perry would try to pick up Tina Fey. Speaking of which, don’t Perry and Bradley Whitford seem pretty much interchangeable? Not a great casting decision, Mr. Sorkin. Maybe he’s so high all the time that he thinks they are the same person. By the way, for more smart moves, they scheduled FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS for every night but Friday. Sigh. Network TV will be pretty much over and done with by 2010. It will go the way of the Dodo bird and VHS tapes. They have already given up on Saturday nights and the 8:00 hour. Soon it will be whittled done to nothing. It you haven’t read it here first, you have read it here recently. (Huh?)

Two more things before I go:

After trans fat is banned, when will the second-hand trans fat lawsuits begin?

Is HAPPY FEET just FOOTLOOSE with penguins?

As Connie Chung sang so very horribly, nailing her coffin shut once and for all,

"We ttttttttttthhhhhhhhhaaaaaaannnnnnkkkkk yyyyyyooooooouuuuuuuu
sssssssssoooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
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